Those Eskimos know how to build igloos, but have you ever stopped and asked a 7 year old how to draw one?

Follow along as my daughter teaches you how to draw your very own igloo.

There you have it!

We recently had an episode with our Aspergers child that I’d lake to share. I use the word “episode” to describe something that took place in the context of a larger story, not in the usual “Aspergers’ Episode” context which usually refers to a breakdown.

This episode is set on the elementary school playground with our child walking laps as part of his physical fitness curriculum. At the outermost part of his lap he noticed two children behind a tree. This tree marked the “outside boundary” of the school grounds — the front-side of the tree was in-bounds, the back-side was out-of-bounds. In “kid words” you can’t go behind that tree.

My boy told the boys behind the tree they were out-of-bounds and directed them to come back where they were supposed to be. Words were exchanged, and ultimately my boy said he as called an “idiot” by the other boys. My boy then told the “ground duty” who did nothing, so he went to his teacher. Eventually they all went to tell the boys they were someplace they weren’t supposed to be.

This whole chain of events really upset my boy, the others weren’t obeying the rules, they didn’t listen to him when he tried to enforce the rules, and the ground-duty didn’t seem to care. All of these are very trying on the structured mind of a person with Asperger’s Disorder.

Children with Asperger’s, or other POD NOS disorders, may have a hard time deviating from schedules and an even harder time understanding that different rules may apply in different situations, and some rules carry more weight than others.

In this situation, as I explained to my boy, the boys were breaking the rules, but it wasn’t his job to enforce the rules. In fact, if you look across the playground you’ll probably see a dozen people breaking different rules at any given time. What’s important to realize is that it’s not his job to enforce the rules, it’s someone else’s job. He can just let the world happen around him and not take ownership of other’s actions.

This is where, in my experience, it’s vitally important to go into more detail with the child. Failing to do so can cause more confusion and “stress” in an Asperger’s child life, than had you not talked with the child at all. The reason for this is that the child would then be left to wonder why there are rules at all and may lash out due to this unexplained conflict.

I asked why we have rules, his response was simple and succinct: to keep people safe. I acknowledged this was probably the most important reason why we have rules, and went with that.

“Were the boys breaking the rules?” Yes.

“Is it your job to make the boys follow the rules?” No. But they were breaking the rules!

“Were the boys doing anything dangerous?” No.

“Were the boys hurting anyone?” No.

“Was it a big deal?” No.

“Was it your job to tell them to stop breaking the rules?” No.

“Was it your job to tell the ground-duty?” No.

“What should you have done instead?” Just ignore them and kept playing. “Right.”

Good. We’ve established what happened and what his behavior should have been. Now let’s go into some other scenarios…

Scenario 1: Drugs

“What if the boys were behind the tree doing drugs, then is it your job to tell a grown up?” Yes.

“Why?” Because doing drugs is bad. “And?” And it’s bad enough I should tell a grown up? “Right.”

“What if that grownup doesn’t listen, then what?” Tell another grown up. “Right.”

“If the grownups don’t do anything is it your job to stop them from doing drugs?” No.

“Why not?” They might hurt me? “Right.”

Scenario 2: Danger to themselves

“What if it wasn’t a tree, what if it was a fence that had a sign on it that said ‘Danger: High Voltage’, is it your job to tell a grownup?” Yes.

“Why?” They might get hurt. “Right.”

Scenario 3: Danger to others

“What if the boys were behind the tree beating up another kid, is it your job to protect them?” No.

“Is it your job to tell a grownup?” Yes.

“If that grownup doesn’t help, what should you do?” Tell another grownup, like my teacher, or the principal.

“What if you can’t find your teacher or the principal, then what?” Call the police? “Generally, yes, if they’re beating up another kid, that’s called ‘assault’ and it’s illegal. They could go to jail.”

“Should you try and protect the other kid? This is a tricky question.” Yes. “That’s what makes it tricky. There is no ‘right’ answer that I can give you. I don’t know how big the other kids are, or if one of them has a weapon like a knife or a gun, I don’t know if they’ll start beating you up, too. That’s something you would have to decide. You won’t do any good for the other kid if they just decide to beat you up, too, so you probably want to yell for help and see if that doesn’t make them quit hurting the other kid.” Okay.

Scenario 4: Danger to family

“What if the kid getting hurt is your little brother or sister? Is it your job to protect them?” Yes.

“Does that mean you have to go in and fight the other person?” (confused look)

“Do you have to get in the fight to protect your little brothers and sisters, or should you do something else?” Do something else.

“What should you do?” I don’t know.

“That’s another one that I can’t tell you, that you’ll have to figure out if that ever happens. If it does you need to ask yourself ‘how can I best protect my brother/sister in this situation?’ That might be running for help, or it might be yelling or help, or it might be calling the police, or it might be going in and getting them to safety. You’re going to have to decide that. Hopefully you’ll never have to.”

By going through the original scenario and helping the child know what his/her responsibilities were (using the same verbiage that they were using to recall the incident) helps them review the incident outside of the “heat of the moment” and helps build analytical skills that can help in similar situations in the future.

By going over additional scenarios you help them understand why the rules are there and the different levels of involvement they should (and should not) take when someone outside their control breaks those rules.

Hopefully, by consistently applying this methodology the child will be able to identify when policing is necessary, and when it is not, and “let the world unfold around them” without taking on the stress of internalizing the uncontrollable externalities of the world around them.

1997 Saturn S-Series 4 Dr SL2 Sedan

Edmunds TMV® Private Party Pricing: $2,259

Kelly Blue Book® Private Party Value: $2,315

Standard Equipment

• 1.9L I4 DOHC 16V FI Engine
• 15 Inch Wheels
• 5-Speed Manual Transmission
• Bucket Seats
• Locking Center Console
• Cloth Seats
• Daytime Running Lights
• Driver and Passenger Front Airbags
• Intermittent Windshield Wipers
• Power Brakes
• Power Steering
• Rear Window Defroster
• Remote Trunk Release
• Tachometer
• Tilt Steering Wheel
• Tinted Glass
• Hard-cover Owner’s Manual

Optional Equipment

• Factory Child Car Seat Anchors (2) - Dealer Installed
• Keyless Entry System
• AM/FM/Cassette Audio System
• Premium Audio System
• Power Sunroof/Moonroof (non-functional)
• 4-Wheel ABS
• 4-Speed Automatic Transmission
• Aftermarket high-bright headlamps
• Fog Lights (w/ aftermarket high-bright lamps)
• Air Conditioning
• Power Door Locks
• Traction Control
• Anti-Theft Alarm System (including engine disabling feature)
• Full synthetic oil

Interested Parties Please Contact Joe or Natalie

• Email
• Phone: +1 (801) 776-8678

I think one of the biggest problems with having a child with Asperger Syndrome is that people relate it so closely with Autism. But in fact it is not Autism. It is no closer to Autism than Rett’s Syndrome is an autistic disorder. In fact the only thing that even can put them in the same category is that they are a category of neurologically-based disorders that have a range of delays in different developmental stages.

The reason for this confusion in today’s society stems back to the 1940’s when a Viennese pediatrician Hans Asperger who observed autistic-like behaviors and difficulties with social and communication skills in boys who had normal intelligence and language development. Many professionals felt Asperger’s Disorder was simply a milder form of autism and used the term “high-functioning autism” to describe these individuals.

However, as time and studies progressed, Professor Uta Frith, with the Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience of University College London and author of Autism and Asperger Syndrome, describes individuals with Asperger’s Disorder as “having a dash of Autism.” They are separate disorders, but may portray similar characteristics at times. In fact by 1994, Asperger’s Disorder was added to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) as a separate disorder from autism.

Children with Asperger’s Disorder may be only mildly affected and frequently have good language and cognitive skills. To the untrained observer, a child with Asperger’s Disorder may just seem different.

Children with autism are frequently seen as aloof and uninterested in others. This is not the case with Asperger’s Disorder. Individuals with Asperger’s Disorder usually want to fit in and have interaction with others; they simply don’t know how to do it. They may be socially awkward, not understanding conventional social rules, or may show a lack of empathy. They may have limited eye contact, seem to be unengaged in a conversation, and not understand the use of gestures.

Interests in a particular subject may border on the obsessive. Children with Asperger’s Disorder frequently like to collect categories of things, such as rocks or bottle caps. They may be proficient in knowing categories of information, such as baseball statistics or Latin names of flowers. While they may have good rote memory skills, they have difficulty with abstract concepts.

One of the major differences between Asperger’s Disorder and autism is that, by definition, there is no speech delay in Asperger’s. In fact, children with Asperger’s Disorder frequently have good language skills; they simply use language in different ways. Speech patterns may be unusual, lacking inflection or having a rhythmic nature. Speech may be formal and too loud or high pitched. Children with Asperger’s Disorder may not understand the subtleties of language, such as irony and humor, or may not understand the give and take nature of a conversation.

Another distinction between Asperger’s Disorder and autism concerns cognitive ability. While some individuals with Autism experience mental retardation, by definition a person with Asperger’s Disorder cannot possess a “clinically significant” cognitive delay. This does not imply that all individuals with autism have mental retardation. Some do and some do not, but a person with Asperger’s Disorder possesses average to above average intelligence.

As mother of a seven year old son with Asperger Syndrome, I see things that simply aren’t explain in the all the wonderful text books, and articles that I found as I have researched and learned about AS. What they don’t tell you is these children are very normal. Michael is very much a normal seven year old. He can have very normal social behaviors. He loves to hang out with friends, he has girlfriends (yikes!), he likes his hair gelled, and makes friends very easily. He can be very accepting. Did I mention that he can test his parents and push their buttons on a whim?

The Key to Sucess is to get involved in highly structured social groups that give you the oppertunity to teach a common ground.

However, interlaced between all of his wonderfulness, is anxiety and misunderstandings. The best thing we ever did for Michael was get him social skills classes by age three. For us, The Children’s Center in Salt Lake City, and Primary Children’s services were priceless. What he needed was repetitive and consistent training of how to act in a social environment. And that is what they provided. Its things like “this is a line. We all stand in line to go to the water fountain. The line can move…” It was explaining the basics that we were misunderstanding. “Don’t throw the ball at someone until they are looking at you and their hands are up.” (That was a good one.) We also have had a lot of practice and work on, “see my face, this is a mad face. When I make this face you need to stop what you are doing, put your hands down, and come to me quietly.” “See this face, I am happy, I like what you are doing. This is good.” And stuff like that. Once we got recognition and social rules down, we had a common bases to continue to teach him from. That helped a lot.

But, as life throws it things change, all the time. AS kids don’t like change in their lives, as a general rule. Neither does 90% of the population. But for Michael change can really mess him up. This is exactly the situation that we are going through now. Last year, he had the same “Special Ed teacher” as he had from Kindergarten, and was mainstreamed to regular Ed. But even then, he still went to her class for 30 minutes a day.

This year, he doesn’t see her at all or his friends from that class, because he is in a new regular Ed class. He has a new teacher, new friends, new room, new schedule, and new homework. Yeah…. he is one mad kid. So, we are adding in time with his Special Ed class for 30 minutes a day, to help him calm down and transition into his new schedule. Hopefully next year, we will remember this lesson and not repeat it! Not fun. But in a few weeks, Michael will be adjusted, and happy and stable in his classroom.

Recognize their amazing spirit! 

Humor

Michael does have a sense of humor. He can make the whole room laugh. He is so incredibly funny. Granted he is not funny because he can tell a joke- heaven’s no! - But he is funny because his knows the way things are suppose to be, and laughs at how things turn out! He is so fun to have around. He has his own personality.

Perfection

He takes pride in his work. He is very much a perfectionist. His hand writing and his papers have to be just so, or he erases them, and corrects them.

Special Abilities

I have not even mentioned Michael’s athletic abilities. He was two weeks old, and would stand up on my lap. He would have to lay his head on my shoulder because it was so heavy. By four months old, he was holding on to my fingers walking around the room. I got it on tape, just to prove it! It was incredible. By two, he could hit anything he wanted to at any distance, with any size ball he wanted.

(Flash Back)When Michael was two we were trying to help him with his anxiety and aggression, (Yes, those also come with AS) and we were sent to a social worker, who, like way too many in the psychiatry field, knew nothing about AS. He assumed that since Michael didn’t show up on the school’s autism test, he was normal. Sucker! So we brought Michael to him. (This is my favorite part.) As Michael walked into the new environment he began getting into everything. Pretty normal right, until he found a bucket of golf balls. He began throwing them at the social worker, nailing the guy in the forehead every time. Michael was playing catch with him, and he even warned him that he was playing catch with him. He told him “DUE!” This was Michael’s two year old word for “Catch”!

Even now, as gifted as he is, he doesn’t like sports. He stresses out over the strategy of the game. Relying on what others are going to do, so that he knows what to do is very stressful. We have found much more success in individual sports like swimming. He is an awesome swimmer. I have been tempted to try karate, but I am afraid he will use it on his siblings.

Anyhow, all and all Asperger Syndrome is nothing to be scared of… it just means this is as person that is really neat, you just need to get to know them. And if you are lucky enough to have AS in your family, and are one of the prized people that God is teaching humility to… take a deep breath. It’s a lot of fun, and a lot of work. And it is definitely worth it.

My husband, out of the goodness of his heart, bought my daughter a darling little black cat. She had been begging for a cat since she was born. It’s been five years, she’s proven her persistance. And it really is a darling little cat. However, one day and a trip to the vet, we discovered our little darling had been kept in the most inhumaine conditions at the petstore in Layton called, Teacher’s Pets. During the time there it had caught two different types of parasites,Cheyletiella- contagious to humans and the other, coccidia, harmful to cat’s intestines.  http://vetmedicine.about.com/cs/catdiseasesp/a/catsparasitic.htm

Here’s the catcher- kittens are naturally immune to coccidia parasite, but when placed in excessively stressful situations for a period of time, they will become very suseptible to such a parasite.   Teacher’s Pets should not be allowed to handle animals!

In any event we have been giving our Tom cat, Tinkerbell, his medicine, and he is doing much better… so I thought.

Today, during preschool, which I teach in my home, I was rounding up the children for a snack, when my assistant asked me what the cat was doing in the curio? The Curio!! You mean the safe cabinet that my beautiful hand made wedding veil and flowers are kept in? That curio?

You see, when Joe and I got married in 1997, I was excited. I hand made my veil, my bouquets, and spent hours on my head piece. I searched store after store getting the right flowers, in the right colors to make the perfect wedding. And it really was beautiful. My bouquet flowed from my hands down to my knees in pink roses, with purple, blue, and yellow tulips, and accent flowers. Pearls and beads peeked around each rose. My cake was similarly decorated and so forth. So after our wedding, I chose to perseve my veil, head peice, and bouquet in my courio cabinet. It has been safe and sound for all this time… until now.

Yeah, so, I owe my husband an appology! He had been complaining that the living smelled funny. And so I would scrub the carpets, wash the walls, and clean and polish the furniture. Then he complained again, I didn’t take it well… after all I couldn’t smell it!

Well apparently when we repainted our house a few months ago, a peice of glass broke on my curio. I needed to get it fixed, but it wasn’t my top priority. In fact, I forgot about it. And now our darling cat was getting into it, climbing through all my wedding gear and pooping all over inside my cabinet, over my flowing veil and flowers! I was washed chunks of cat poop out of my roses! Ah, the pain!

Thank goodness for my little Porter. At the moment when I was ready to burst into tears, my little two year old son came trotting up to me in the fluffiest,a nd cutest purple princess costume! The kids had dressed him up with them during preschool time. Only he was the princess. LOL. He was so proud of himself! I laughed so hard. Yes, it’s these moments that make you grateful to be a mom!

Needless to say, the cat is still alive, and currently enjoying the outdoors. And now, 4 hours later, my curio is fixed and clean. Funny enough, it smells really good in there!

My sweet little five year old daughter came home from kindergarten and popped her usual question on me… “Hey Mom, guess what?”

“What?”

“There is a new boy in my class named Carlos. Can I marry him?”